sometimes i wish that everything could go back to normal again.

us talking (eye to eye), not being awkward and being good friends again.

maybe talking to you personally would help, but at the moment, i get the vibe that you don't want to talk.

so yeah.

i don't want to push it either.

don't wanna risk jeopardizing what we still have left.

i miss you.

not as a couple anymore because i know it's not going to happen.

but more of a close, best friend whom i shared so much with before.

now, everything we had is just reduced to nothing.

somehow, in my heart, i know we can pick up from where we left off as best friends bc of the strong relationship we had before.

that's certainly what i hope for.

tonight, it's just one of those nights that i want to curl up in bed and cry myself to sleep.

firework :)

one of those songs that make me wanna dance! :D

and very inspiring too! :)

"Maybe you're the reason why all the doors are closed,
So you can open one that leads you to the perfect road"

<3

done!

ahhhh finally finished with assignments! (due today) lol.

happy happy joy joy!

but, there's still Prac book :( *strangles self*

oh wells.

i feel like drinking tonight. partly to celebrate and also to cheer myself up.

who wants to be my drinking partner?

:)

:)

song dedications from Tecki and Kev :)

nawww <3

thanks guys :)

stressed.

omg.

after having such a messed up week, i'm stuck with PBL mapping at 1 freaking am :((

and i'm nowhere near finishing!!!

OMYGARD.

*pulls hair out*

plus, it doesn't really help that i'm still having trouble sleeping :(

can you imagine someone who used to sleep at least 12 hours a day and still complain that she's tired, is now an insomniac who's running on 1 hour of sleep for more than 24 hours?

fuck this shit.

i'm gonna finish you PBL!!!!

(!!!!!!!!)

PS: i really don't deserve this from you. i'll be strong for myself. don't expect too much from me, really.

hi all,

thanks for all your hugs/ fb msges/ texts/ phone calls/ tweets/ whatsapp etc :))

it's great to know that i've a good support system behind me when i fall.

you know who you are :)

thanks for everything and i'm glad to know that you guys are standing by me through this tough time.

much appreciated.

i will be okay.

:)

xx

the most painful experience is that we both know we still love each other,

but we are deliberately trying to stay apart,

hence destroying the both of us.

can we just leave the past behind us and move on, starting over? please?

i'm going insane. can't even think straight.

heart hurts so bad.

broken.

you told me to express my feelings in words.

i just saw you at ft just now.

my heart was racing, and do you know what i was thinking?

i was thinking. MAYBE he changed his mind. MAYBE he wants me back. MAYBE he would hug me and said "boo, can we forget everything from the past and move on?"

to which, i would, definitely, say yes.

a big fucking yes.

instead, you know what you said?

you said, "i'm gonna drop off your stuff at your place later"

and you started to leave.

i just couldn't hold back my tears. 

it's so so so painful.

so painful.

you killed me again.

again and again.

finally, i had to ask you. i had to ask you face to face. "have i lost you?"

you replied,"we can still be friends"

i gulped back my tears, couldn't believe what i hear, and while you turn left to college square, i turned right.

i cried.

cried my way back to uropa. cried in my room so loudly that jack had to come and see what happened.

i'm in such pain. 

i love you but i can't be with you.

i need you.

i told you before, i've never felt the same way for anyone before.

you are so special to me.

have you felt your heart being torn to pieces and trampled on, again and again?

i felt that literally. i actually felt it.

why are you doing this to me?

it's over.

i'm so heartbroken right now, i just feel numb.

you know you're going crazy

when you wake up at 6.45am when you slept at 2am the night before, and couldn't go back to sleep.

when you speak to a fly in your room nicely, asking it to fly out because you really can't deal with everything right now. including the fly.

when someone doesn't pick up your calls/return texts, you think that it was your phone's reception's fault. and just not because he didn't reply.

when you tried to restart your phone countless times, hoping that it REALLY was the reception's fault.

when you feel so lonely because your best friend is not speaking to you.

when you start to hate yourself and question why this is happening.

when you cry till your eyelids swell up into a monolid that is the size of a tiny hill.

i just want you.

:(

pulling up again.

a handful of events had happened within the past month like a whirlwind that destroyed everything i thought i had. it left as soon as it came. and now i'm back on my 2 feet again, convincing myself that everything is going to be okay. we told each other that everything is going to be fine. i have faith. but pulling up is not as easy as i thought it would be. maybe i fell harder than i expected this time.

Everything is going to be alright.


and omg. i really do despise others who belittle me. well, i'm fired to do well and beat the hell out of you.

:)

so fuck you and your little elite group of people.